The Past 3 Days

Gosh time flies with this sweet little boy. I can't believe it's been two weeks already! But let's not get ahead of ourselves, I just had to share this picture first :)

Happy Due Date Mr. Hudson! (aka 2 week birthday!)

Saturday night was bath night for Hudson and I. He got his bath first and, of course, was his angel baby self and enjoyed it! He wasn't a fan once I pulled him out of the water but once I snuggled him up in a dry warm towel he was back to being content :) He is getting really good at making faces at his momma!

After bath and shower time it was snuggle time. Just look at that sweet sleeping little peanut. I just stare at him when he sleeps and kiss his sweet cheeks and forehead every once in a while. I can't put into words how happy this little guy makes me. I love being needed. I love knowing I am responsible for this little person, and I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job if I may say so myself. I love when he follows my voice because it is familiar to him. When he fusses he wants me to cuddle him, and that completely melts my heart.

This is a big deal my friends. You see Hudson laying in that sleeper? Yes, Saturday night was his first night not sleeping in my arms. I know, it's naughty to sleep with your babies but I've always been such a light sleeper that I was okay with it. Plus, Nick was only with us for a few days and we were up with Hudson most of the night just being a family instead of sleeping. Anyways, Saturday I finally brought the sleeper into the bed and had Hudson sleep in it. I even went the extra mile and slept with all the lights off! Only a small plug in light! I mean hey I couldn't have it completely dark. Gotta be able to look over and see that sweet little man's face whenever I want. Notice the sound machine. He still loves that white noise!

Sunday was a little bit of a harder day. We stayed busy with family so I didn't have too much time to mope around but I really missed my Nick. Sundays have always been our days together. We've always had Sundays off for work, unless we picked up a shift here and there. Even through nursing school when it was oh so crazy, we still had our Sundays. I missed sleeping in with him and cuddling close. I missed going to my parents house for dinner. I missed he and my Dad teaming up together and teasing the heck out of me. I missed our Sunday walk. Are you getting the idea? I missed my Nick. 

All that bummer-ness aside here's a few pics from the day. Here's Hudson half asleep in his Papa's arms. Gotta love those glossy eyes and heavy eyelid blinks. 

And ... he's out! He's really good at the sleeping thing. And he looks so dang perfect doing it!

Here is Hudson after his dinnertime feeding cuddling with his momma. Food makes me this happy too :) I love how he always puts his arm up like this and hugs me while he eats and after too. It's so tender!

Here is Sabastian starting to be interested in Hudson. He was even more interested when Dad held him. He would start to whine and follow Dad everywhere while he was holding Hudson. If I didn't know better I'd say he was pretty jealous!

This morning we had a doctors appointment to get to by 11 so I woke up and got myself ready while Hudson slept for a little bit longer. When I came back to wake him up I was so hard to disturb this sweet smiling baby. I stared for a minute, snapped a pic, and kissed his sweet cheeks until he woke up. 

While I was feeding Hudson my phone dinged with an e-mail. It was from someone I didn't recognize but it was titled "Your Airman" I opened the attachment and this is what I saw! Check out that clean shaven and bald guy in uniform! He looks SO different! It was so good to see a smile from him though. This is the only picture I'm going to have to keep in mind until we see him in July. I have a feeling he will look even more different then. We had some friends of his that have been through BMT tell us how much weight they lost and how skinny and sunken in they looked afterwards. I hope he doesn't look too sad after cause from what his friends told us, they looked like death!

Along with the picture there was a short letter. Turns out, the e-mail was from a missionary serving with her husband on base. They wrote me to let me know that Nick gave them permission to send me the picture and to let me know that he is doing well. They said they will be seeing him at the church on Sundays. I'm jealous. They won't regularly communicate between the two of us, this was just a one time thing, but I sure appreciated it!

After I got over the shock of seeing my handsome airman I finished feeding Hudson, got him dressed and changed, and headed to the doctor. They measured and weighed him first. Check out those stats! According to those percentages we have a tall, skinny, big headed baby boy! And he is 100% Chadwick!

I don't know why this picture won't turn but what the heck, here is Mr. Hudson getting weighed!

After the doctors appt we came back home and I decided to take it easy at home for the rest of the day. I did some laundry, some dishes, cleaned the house, and of course, spent most of the day snuggling. My Mom and Dad came over in the afternoon too and gave Hudson some snuggles, because hello, that kid doesn't get snuggled enough. 

Again with the "I'm full Mom!" face

Me and my boy

 And here we are, still just relaxing at home and I don't feel one bit bad about it! 

Picture Overload!

I know this post is a picture overload but I'm pretty sure that might be the theme from here on out. Hudson is just too darn cute I can't help it! Plus I have tried to be really good about picture taking for Nick. I've been writing him a letter every night and we mail them with pictures twice a week. Hope he likes getting mail because he's sure going to be getting a lot of it!

Since his Daddy is gone, I put a picture of Nick sleeping with Hudson at the hospital on our nightstand. Night time is the hardest for me with Nick gone. It's hard because of the lack of sleep and all that mommy stuff but I miss him next to me and encouraging me. While he was here he told me so many times a day how great of a mom I was. In the middle of the night when Hudson starts fussing to eat I look over to Nick's empty spot on my bed and wish so badly that he was here. 

This boy sure knows how to smile! He is constantly smiling and giggling in his sleep! Makes me wonder what he is dreaming about. Whatever it is, this 12 day old sure finds it entertaining!

Why a naked baby? Because sometimes it's fun to lay in bed with your mom until noon! He got up every 2 hours on Thursday night which made for a tired Sadey. So what did we do to fix the problem? Fed him at 9am then slept till noon. It was lovely. Even after noon we stayed in bed till 2 cuddling and watching the news. I just love spending time with this little guy. I could stare at him all day and kiss those cheeks all day long!

Here's Hudson zonked after playing with mom for a half hour. He is wide awake after his feeds for a half hour - 45 minutes and after that he snoozes for another 2ish hours. Such a sweet baby.

Hudson LOVES white noise. If he is fussing at all I can put the white noise machine or my phone with a white noise app. He still is trying to figure out the binky thing but hey, I'm not too sad about that. I'd rather him stay an awesome breastfeeder and not dig the binky I have to say. 

Here's Hudson and I headed to Kelly and Mollie's for dinner. I moved his carseat behind my seat the other day. It used to be in the middle because when it was behind the drivers side Nick couldn't put the seat far back enough to drive. I guess that's what happens when you are 6'5"! But for my 5'1" frame having the carseat behind me is so much better on my back to not have to lift it up, over, and into the middle. 

Here's my tiny little champ. Although he isn't as tiny as he used to be! I stepped on the scale with him the other day and he has gained a pound already! I keep telling him to stop growing and just stay this small forever but he isn't listening. I want him to still be small when Nick sees him again. I guess compared to Nick, no matter how big he gets he will look tiny but still, stay small little Hudson!

He still makes this "I'm full Mom!" face every time he is done eating! I love seeing little personality traits of his already. He is so happy and wide awake after he eats and it's so much fun! It's his happy time and his interact with mommy time. I love his alertness. I can tell that he's starting to be able to focus on my face if it is close enough. Smart little guy already!

More morning smiles from Hudson :)

This is how I found Hudson in the sleeper next to me this morning. Apparently he didn't want his legs wrapped up tight haha It made me giggle and I had to snap a picture! I always like for my feet to hang off the bed and uncovered. I can see why he would want the same!

'Peace Out Mom!' It might be the wrong fingers but it still makes me laugh. He's gotten pretty good at flipping me off too on occasion. Naughty Naughty.

Today we went to my cousin's new place. They just moved into a beautiful house. The best part about it? They are closer to us now! We are going to head back over on Monday to lend a hand where we can and give her a baby to snuggle on :) After their house Hudson and I had to run a few errands. On our way there though Hudson decided he was a starving boy! I didn't know what to do so I did the only logical thing I could think of. I fed and changed him in the back of my car in the Best Buy parking lot. That, my friends, takes skills. I even impressed myself! Once he was full and content we headed into the store. I have been borrowing my little sisters camera since we were in the hospital and I needed to get a camera of our own. I found a good deal on once and was in and out pretty quick. After Best Buy we were off to Costco to pick up some prints. It's funny how such a small errand can turn into such a big deal. Getting in the backseat to pull out the carseat, haul it in and put it in a cart, push the cart over to the photo counter, pay for the pictures, walk back out, put the cart away, load the carseat back in the car, and then get in. Who knew! haha

Once those two errands were done with I decided to just head home and spend the night at home with my little man. We have been very busy visiting people and having visitors to keep us busy but I just felt like tonight I wanted to have some one on one quiet time with him. Just hold him all night and snuggle him close. And give him a bath which I'm sure he won't be very happy about but hey, it's tough being a baby! His little belly button keeps bleeding off and on so I need to make sure I keep that clean too so it doesn't get infected. The pediatrician said it's normal for that to happen but it sure is a little bit of a pain and a worry. Hopefully that cute little belly button heals soon!

56 Days Left

56 Days left until we get on a plane to Texas to see our Nick!

Are you jealous? I get to cuddle with this handsome little guy in the mornings :) He wasn't waking up to eat so I got him undressed to make him a little more uncomfy in hopes that he would eat better. He did eat really well then zonked back out before I could get him dressed again and I just couldn't get myself to wake him up. Gosh this little guy and his sweet face melts my heart!

After we got up and got ready for the day my mom brought my Grandma Becky over to meet Mr. Hudson. Grandma was so excited to meet her 20th great grandbaby. She talked to him, cried a little, and told him how much she loved him already. She even said she had a dream last night about meeting him and how excited she has been for the past week. 

I'm so proud of my beautiful baby boy and love to introduce him to people. I know I'm biased but he is so beautiful and perfect!

Uncle Bernie came over to pick up Grandma and snuggled Hudson a little bit too.

Just look at this beautiful baby! I've been taking about a million pictures of this little guy so that his Daddy doesn't miss a beat. We will be sending a whole lot of pictures every week to him so he can watch this little guy grow along with me. 

Hudson loves to make this face after he eats. He is wide awake for 45ish minutes after he eats and loves to make some pretty sweet faces. It's so cute! See those little wrinkles on his forehead? His Dad's forehead does the exact same thing when he raises his eyebrows. I love seeing Nick in him when I look down at my little guy. 

Time Went Too Fast

Well, the week of getting to be a family came and went way too fast. All the sudden it was Monday. On Monday morning Nick had to go up to the base to get some final paperwork signed and everything in order for him to be gone. While he did that Hudson and I slept in and lounged around the house. It was the first time since our second night in the hospital that Nick had been away and it made me sad to think how many mornings we would have to do that again after Tuesday. Bummer. I kept sending him pictures all morning of little H though so he wouldn't have to miss him too much :)

Nick got home that afternoon and we hung out for a while at home then decided we would go out for one last dinner as a family together. Nick picked Chubbys, no surprise, and we headed out. I used my Moby wrap again which I LOVE (I owe my cousin Jess bigtime for letting me borrow that instead of having to pay for one!)

After dinner we came home, got ready for bed, and crawled in bed as a little family by 9:45. We laid there and talked and cried and cuddled and cried a little more. We have been so crazy busy with little Hudson that it felt nice to put him in his bassinet and be close to Nick for a little while before we fell asleep. I'm such a lucky girl to have two amazing boys next to me. 

The next morning was one of the hardest days I have had in a long long long time. We woke up at 5 to shower and get ready to go. I fed Hudson and changed him while Nick showered and shaved. Once he was ready to go I handed Hudson off and went into the bathroom to get ready. 

When I came out of the bathroom what I saw broke my heart. For anyone that knows Nick knows that he is not a crier. Ever. When I walked out he was sitting on the bed with Hudson's face next to his and he was just crying. I walked over and hugged the both of them and told him we are going to get through this. It's going to be hard but his son knows how much he loves him. Nick made me promise I would kiss him everyday for him and tell him his Daddy loves him every night before he goes to bed. We sat there for a little longer then walked out to the family to load the carseat and his bags in the car. My mom rode up with us to kinda keep me from loosing it completely on the way home and to take pictures at the airport.

I held Nick's hand so tight the whole ride up there and fought back the tears. Once we pulled up I got Hudson out of the carseat and handed him to Nick. Nick cuddled him in the backseat and cried and I lost it standing there on the sidewalk watching him. After a little bit he handed him to me, got out of the car. and wrapped his arms around the both of us. I didn't know my heart could hurt so much. I felt so sick to my stomach for Nick thinking of everything he is going to miss. 

I put Hudson back in his carseat, Nick walked me to the door, kissed me, closed my car door, and walked away. I composed myself enough to drive out of the terminals and by the time we hit the freeway I had kinda recovered. We got back home around 7:30 and I sat on the couch with little Hudson. My mom sat with us for a little while. After about a half hour I told my Mom I was so grateful for her going with us this morning but that I just wanted to be alone with Hudson for a little while and rest. I said goodbye to her and she said she'd be back a little later on in the afternoon. I took him into our room, fed him, bawled my eyes out for a while, and we finally fell asleep after a little while. He slept with me for 3 and a half lovely hours. 

I woke up feeling a whole lot better. I cleaned up the house a little with Hudson in my awesome Moby wrap . By this time Nick had landed in San Antonio and he called me from the airport. He was going to eat lunch with the guys he flew out of Utah with that were also going to BMT. He ate with them then called me back before he headed to the base. I sent him a few pictures during lunch time and probably went a little overboard but I just couldn't help it! He wasn't going to be able to get pictures immediately for months!

We got a phone call from him saying that he was about to have to surrender his phone and get on the bus for the base. I cried again. I just wanted to remember his voice. He told me again how good of a mom I am and how he knows I can do this. Here he was telling me to be strong when it was him stepping into the unknown. I told him to remember when it gets hard how much support he has behind him and how much he's loved by Hudson and I. I told him to remember that it might seem like it but he wont be there forever. It was only 9 weeks and he could do it. I told him I was proud of him and how much I love him. Then we had to say goodbye. We did get another quick phone call from him on base with his CO standing next to him monitoring what he said. He said he made it safe and that he would talk to me in a few days. And that was that. 

It was pretty definite but I was surprised It wasn't harder for me. I teared up but just then Hudson was ready to eat and I was distracted from my hurting heart. Mollie stopped by and brought an adorable Willow Creek figurine for me that is now sitting on our dining room table. It makes me smile and feel loved whenever I see it. 

At 6:00 my friends from work started to show up. They had talked to me about coming over the week before when I was in the hospital and Nick told me I had to let them come over. He was worried I would seclude myself and not let people help me when I needed it. He knows me too well. So Brooke, Kristen, Paige, and Melissa came over with Cafe Rio and treats in hand. How awesome are they? We talked and laughed and passed little Hudson around until it was time for most of them to leave around 9:30. Brooke didn't have to go so we parked on the couch and watched Safe Haven. I have been wanting to watch it since I read the book in February but just never got around to it. It was good but I definitely liked the book more. Also, the movie, being a love story, made me tear up a little. After the movie ended around midnight it was time for Huddy and I to get to bed. That was when it hit me. My Nick was gone. There wasn't going to be anyone on the other half of my bed to kiss me goodnight and make me warm. There wasn't going to be anyone to burp Hudson in the middle of the night while I pumped after breastfeeding. There wasn't going to be anyone to kiss me in the morning to wake me up. I completely fell apart. I fell apart and held my little guy closer. I'm so incredibly grateful to have him. I know having him here has made this whole situation harder in some ways, but is making my life complete and so much happier in others. I finished getting ready for bed with Hudson in my arms and crawled in bed. At this point I was crying so hard I was shaking. Just then my Dad texted me and asked if he could call. I told him I was crying too hard he probably wouldn't be able to understand me. He texted me back and told me he understands sniffles and gave me a call. I cried to him for a while and he talked me down. No one can replace Nick, but it sure helps to have my Dad to lean on while he is gone. I lucked out with a great Dad, an incredible husband, and now a sweet baby boy. Gosh I'm blessed.

After getting off the phone I wrote Nick a letter, at the suggestion of my Dad. If I couldn't call him at least I could write him a letter and 'talk' to him in my own little way. He told me to just number my letters and mail them together when I get his address. I thought I would get it in the phone call he made to me yesterday but no such luck. Hopefully he can give it to me when we talk on Sunday. I can't wait for that phone call! I guess that their CO's can take away the phone call for the group since it is a privilege but I hope hope hope that his squadron does great and that doesn't happen. Here's hoping for a conversation on Sunday!