Dear Little One

Dear little one,

We have had a busy last couple of weeks! Momma has been picking up an extra shift a week to keep up our insurance benefits since I carry them and I'm short a few hours. We are already paying a whole bunch to see your sweet face so I'm hoping I can keep those insurance benefits up! :) Aside from working a whole bunch you and I went to the temple on Thursday with dad, Nana, Poppa, and Uncle Taylor. It was Taylor's first time going through the temple and it was such a neat experience to be there as a family. Miss Savannah couldn't make it cause she isn't old enough yet but I loved to have you there with me. I couldn't help but think about you the whole time I was there and how it felt like I was even closer to you. I can't believe your dad and I are lucky enough to start our little family already. It was almost like I could feel your excited little spirit with me. Maybe you're just as excited to finally meet us as we are to meet you! We are going to make pretty awesome parents so I guess that makes sense :P hehe

Let's see ... what else have we done ... We went to out 12 week doctor appointment and your Dad and I got to hear your little heartbeat. Every time I hear that little pitter-patter I feel such a sense of relief all over again knowing that you're okay and healthy. We asked the doctor when we could find out if your our little man or our little miss. He said that we could go into the hospital the day after Thanksgiving and he would get on the really nice ultrasound machine they have over there at the hospital. It sure can pay to be a Labor and Delivery nurse!

On Saturday we helped throw a baby shower for a friend of mine who adopted a little guy a few weeks ago. Speaking of adoption ... I think this might be a good time to talk to you about someone I'm sure you will know very well by the time you are able to read this. Her name is Malia Jayne. She's 4 and a half years old with the biggest brown eyes I've ever seen. She's also technically your half sister. Let's start from the beginning:

When your mom was in high school she wasn't making the best of choices. One of those choices led her to be expecting a baby at the age of 17. Babies are such an exciting thing to be expecting but because I hadn't met your Dad yet it wasn't a good place for me to be in. I knew that I couldn't raise a baby by myself. I was especially sure I couldn't raise a baby by myself when I found out that baby was a little girl. I have always had a really good relationship with your Poppa Stika and I couldn't imagine bringing a little girl into this world without her own Dad to look up to and love. I knew eventually I'd meet your Dad but I didn't know when that would happen. So, after a lot of thinking, tears, and prayers I decided to place Malia for adoption. I went to a place called LDS Family Services that is ran by our church and they helped me start looking for a family who would love Malia just as much as I already did. After looking at different families I finally found the perfect one. I found the Allman's. Who, of course, you will already know too by the time you are able to read this by yourself. I got very close to the Allman's while I was still pregnant and by the time I was ready to have Malia, her mom was my very best friend. A few days after I had Malia the Allman's and I signed some papers and that meant that Malia was their little girl and not mine anymore. Little one, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but it was such a miracle at the same time. It broke my heart to give that little girl to someone else but because I did, Malia was able to be with the family that our Heavenly Father meant for her to be with all along. I tell you this story for a few reasons. The first is because I always want to be honest with you and teach you by example. In high school when I found out I was having a baby I wasn't being the best example I could have been but because of the choice I made and the family I chose I know it is something that I can be proud of. It is something I want you to be proud of too. The second reason I tell you this is because I love you so much. Sometimes I can't believe that once I have you, you are all mine. I get to have you call me mom. I get to be the one you cry for when you fall down. I'm the one that gets to tuck you in at night. For that, little one, I feel so blessed. The third reason I want you to know this story is because I still love Malia very much. I will always have a relationship with her and her family and I am so excited for you to have a relationship with them too. I stopped by their house today after work and Malia's mom gave you a little squeeze in my belly before she even gave me a hug! See! I told you there are so many people who love you already and can't wait to meet you! I can't wait to see how our little intertwined friendships grow once you make your appearance. Actually, lets be honest, I don't know how to explain it but somehow Heavenly Father made the Allman's part of our family too.

Your mother just might be crying a little bit. Not because I'm sad but because I realize every day how blessed I am. I have the sweetest family in the world raising the little one I brought into this world. I married the most incredible man I could have ever asked for. I have such an amazing family and in-laws that I love with all my heart. I am carrying a miracle in my tummy that is already turning me into a better person. I feel so incredibly blessed far beyond what I deserve. I can't wait to hold you in my arms. I hope you will always know the love I have for you and what a little miracle you are to your Dad and I. I love you little one.

Love always,
Your Momma