Breath of fresh air

Disclaimer: Now that I have accomplished my goal of posting often I've decided that it's time to up the blogging ante. This also has to do with the reason I put my blog as private. Lately I've been posting pictures and a timeline of Nick and I's busy lives but I haven't been focusing on the biggest part of why I started this blog. I wanted to use this blog as a journal of sorts. I print it off every year to have a little glimpse of my life in a book. So, now that this blog is private and I don't have a bunch of weirdies I don't know from Russia reading this (seriously, blogger showed someone in Russia was reading my blog ... creepy) I will now write freely. I guess my disclaimer is this: my blog is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies all the time because life just isn't that way sometimes. If you find that whiny, I wouldn't read this all the time. If you find people talking about how wonderful life is and how hard it can be too as a breath of fresh air, then read on my friends.

Lets just start this out with what's on my mind as of late:

First of all, how awesome is Strawberry Days people! I was born in and raised in Pleasant Grove my entire life until I had to put my big girl panties on and move out of the house at the ripe old age of 18. No matter where I've lived since then I've never felt attached to anywhere. I've never felt like hey, this is home for now. I've always felt like a visitor in an apartment that I'd love to move out of a month after I move in. Every time I go to my parents house I just feel like I'm home. The smells, the yard, the family, the everything. When we visit their ward I get hugs from people who have been just like family ever since I can remember. You're probably wondering how all of this nostalgia ties in with Strawberry Days. Well, every Thursday during the week of Strawberry Days is the Chipman's Block Party. They block off part of the street in our neighborhood and throw a party. There is a D.J. at one end and food tables filled with sloppy joes, hot dogs, and just about every type of salad and dessert you can imagine. When I was younger I remember LIVING for that day of the year. My friends and I would get all dolled up cause hello, everyone was going to be there! Not to mention those cute boys we would get to slow dance with! :) This year I found myself just as excited for very different reasons. I was excited to see all those people that have always meant so much to me and get a million hugs from them. I was excited to sit out in the sunshine in the neighborhood that I have so many memories in. I was excited to have Nick meet more people from my life that I knew he'd love just as much as I do. I didn't know my favorite part would be catching up with a childhood friend for hours. Ashlyn and I not only shared bottles when we were babies but we shared markers in kindergarten, clothes in junior high, and the love of softball in high school. As high school went on and we moved out and on with our lives and grew apart but it was so fun to talk and see that we still get along just like we used to. She's now in Vegas with her husband in pre-law school and Nick and I are here not knowing where the next chapter of our lives is going to take us. One thing that definitely needs to happen from here is a reunion more than once every few years. I'm so grateful for the memories and roots that my parent gave me. Whenever life gets overwhelming and wonder what the heck I'm doing wrong all I need to do is take the trip to Cherokee Drive and sit on the front porch swing. It's amazing how much my mind clears and how much better I feel when I leave that place and head out in the world to get beat up a little more.

The next thing filling my mind? The next chapter. There is so much up in the air right now that I don't even know what to do with myself. For those of you who know me you probably know how much of a planner I am. I've never been much of a 'spur of the moment' kind of gal. Nick and I are at a crossroads. We both finish school the last week of July. After that the plan is for Nick to head off to boot camp for 8 weeks and then to tech school (Air Force training school) for another couple of months. That is pretty much set in stone. It's what I'll be doing that's up in the air. With so many nurses in Utah will I even be able to get a job right now having no experience as an RN? Should I move to where Nick will be for a few months and get a job there? What about a baby? Clearly I'm dying for one so why can't Nick feel the same way? Is it intuition or emotions that are making me feel the way I do? Why is Nick so stubborn? Is it just me being stubborn? What about a house? We need to buy a house before this market goes back up. Can we afford both right away? I'd rather have a baby than a new house. But we need a house. Why am I thinking about all of this right now? Shouldn't I be thinking about where I can fit sleep in this week rather than the entire future of our family? Are you completely exhausted from reading this yet? I'm sure exhausted from thinking all of these questions and more twenty-four-freaking-seven. Seriously. I wonder why I'm such a scatterbrained, moody, and anxiety ridden gal with a face that won't stop breaking out lately.

You are probably thinking 'Somebody call a psychologist cause Mrs. Chadwick is heading for a nervous breakdown on a high speed train!' but don't worry friends. I really am okay. A little stressed, yes. But no matter how stressed I am it helps to remember that I am infinitely blessed compared to whatever it is I'm struggling with. Here are just a few:

-I have the greatest husband in the whole wide world. Be jealous. We might not see eye to eye on the baby thing lately but as hard as that is I know how much he loves me and that he'd do anything to make me happy. I don't think there is another man in the whole wide world who could put up with me but he does and I thank God every day for that.
-Not only do I have the greatest husband in the world but I have the greatest family. You can be jealous of that too. The quote 'We may not have it all together but together we have it all' describes our family completely. They are my best friends besides my hubby. I talk to my Dad almost every day and look up to him for everything. My mom always brings us together on Sundays with the greatest home cooked meals ever. I've never met anyone who can cook like her. Taylor keeps us laughing with his quick wit and sense of humor. Then there is Savannah, the sweetest most tender hearted girl I know. I know I've said it before but I love the relationship we have. There is just over 6 years between the two of us but you'd never know it. We are such good friends. She loves to sleep over here, paint nails, stay up late, laugh too hard, and confide in me. It makes me SO happy to have the relationship we have with my family and I pray that that never changes.
-I'm done with school in 6 weeks. Yes you heard me right people, SIX WEEKS! That is something to celebrate.
-I work with the best girls around. I sometimes dread work because of the sleep I know I'll be missing by working through the night but the second I get there I know it'll be a good night. Those crazy co-workers of mine are some of my greatest friends and probably know more about me then a lot of people do and love me through my craziness, and heaven knows I sure love them because of theirs!
-Besides working with those lovely ladies my job is the best too! Holding those newborns and taking care of brand new Mommas is the best job I could have asked for.
-I have the prettiest little girl with the best family in the world. Beth is such an example to me and the type of mom I want to be someday. I couldn't have asked for a better daddy for my little lady or hand picked better brothers for her. Little miss sure is a diva but such a sweetheart when she wants to be. I can't imagine where I would be without her in my life. I owe so much to her and she's not old enough to even know it. I wouldn't have the drive, motivation, focus, and purpose behind what I'm working for and the decisions I've made since I was blessed enough to have her in my life.

Clearly the big guy upstairs has been looking out for me in more ways than I can count. I need to make more time out of my days to remember that to keep that anxiety of the unknown I feel lately at bay. It's not my timetable that's the right one.