My Blog Friend

Sometimes I really have things on my mind that I need to talk about. And sometimes I am at work in the middle of the night where a best friend, spouse, or family member isn't exactly accessable. It's times like these that I just love my little blog. I'm going to call my blog, for now, my little blog friend. It's somewhere I can ramble on and on to and it'll never tell me to stop. This, my friends, is exactly what this post is going to be. A ramble that will end when I want it to end. Let the fun begin.

Can I just start by saying how in love I am with my husband? This past week and a half has been so rough for him going through surgery and the aftermath of it all with pain, immobility, and physical therapy. I have absolutely hated seeing my Nick hurt. It's terrible! I just wanted to trade him places so many times but I know he would never ever let me do that. He's too much of a gentleman. All of the pain and aches aside this surgery has been a little blessing in disguise. I have had 3 weeks off of school between semesters so during all of this I've worked a few nights a week and the rest of the time we have been able to spend together. We haven't done anything extravagant. Actually, what we have been doing some might think is completely boring, but it has been so wonderful. We've cuddled up in the family room and watched episode after episode of Friday Night Lights. We've sat in bed talking for hours while I massage his sore leg. We've laughed at our little 'mishaps' that have happened while taking care of him. I just feel a million pounds lighter and a whole bunch happier. I needed this 3 weeks. I needed my husband all to myself for a little while. I'm trying to not even think about starting school next week and the sleepless 4 months that lie ahead. I'm just thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband that loves me, a job that makes me happy, and people I love that surround me.

You thought that was a whole bunch to talk about? Friends you aint' seen nothing yet. The topic that is filling up the other half of my brain is one 4 letter word. Baby. Yep, I said it. Baby. I'm sure that every married couple has gone through the feelings that I am going through (The ladies especially) but I feel like I am the only one in the whole world right now who isn't pregnant, or isn't trying to be. My heart just aches all the time. Yeah, it lightens up every now that then but it never goes away. Is this normal? Why am I feeling like this when I baby is the last thing that I should be piling on my plate right now? I dont' graduate school for almost 12 months. We just bought a car. Nicks medical and my dental bills are stressing me out. We are both working full time. It's not logical to start our family for another year. I know this. It just really really stinks. I tell myself in my little head of mine all the reasons why we can't. My mind kindly lets me finish then reminds me how incredible of a husband I have and how those incredible husbands turn into amazing dads. It reminds me how much I love the babies at work and how good it feels to rock them to sleep. It reminds me how much I love the smell of baby lotion and how cute babies are even when they cry. It reminds me how much I love Malia Jayne and how much I've wanted a daughter to call my own for over 3 years.  Maybe it's just hitting me so hard now because I had this vision of me and my good girlfriends all complaining about pregnancy together, sharing our birth horror stories, and our kids being so close in age that they end up dating eachother when they get older. Is this very likely? Well, no. But if I had kids right now like they all are at least there would be a chance! I just wish that everything seemed a little more clear but I know exactly what I need to do and who Nick and I need to turn to for a a little clarity. These things just take time.

I think that I'm about done for now because I'm afraid that my umlimited blog post might have just reached it's limit. If you got this far, I'm impressed.